Friday, April 22, 2011

Being Real 6


Women in abusive relationships won't leave until they have had enough. Sorry to say that can be 20 years or 2 years or after the first slap. ONLY SHE CAN DECIDE WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Only she can decide how small she wants to be. How small she wants to stay. For those of us watching and waiting, sooner rather than later would be good. It tears our hearts out to watch and wait. And pray. Pray that today is the day she says ENOUGH!!
To tell her that she deserved it or that you would have NEVER allowed that is really not helpful nor is asking her, "What the hell were you thinking?!" Or flippantly saying, "Just get over it." Or simply walking away as her struggle is too much for you. She needs your help and support. IMHO emotional abuse hurts more than physical abuse. Bruises fade. If a woman does not seek help she will continue her cycle of finding men who confirm what she already believes about herself. From one abusive man to the next. The help I am talking about is not secular counseling. It is the deep and abiding Truth of Biblical counsel that changes the heart.
I still struggle with PTSD(for lack of a more Biblical term)from those days. My family knows not to jump out at me or shout my name. Any loud noise makes me jump sky high. My heart races. I gasp for air. I am hyper vigilant in the world. Always watching. I take deep breaths. I remind myself that I AM SAFE. I am with my loving husband and family.
I am a woman of trauma. Just a fact. Not my identity. I was told that if I wore a mask I was loving others when wearing a mask left me gasping. It brought on flashbacks of being strangled. Suffocating. Had my heart racing and tears running down my face. I tried my best by taking mask breaks and constant self talk but nobody seemed to care how much I struggled through it. I do love others. But my body remembers what happened to it. Our bodies remember trauma. Our bodies hold that trauma. Those memories all come to the surface and shame on those who never looked beyond the narrative to really SEE the women of trauma around me and with me. “Just wear the mask.” My heart is pounding as I type this.
I have some trust issues. (yathink?) I trust one man on God’s green earth. My husband Patrick.
God and I are still working at applying His Word to my past. Healing old wounds and memories. I memorize Scripture verses. I journal. I share what He has done!! For the rest of my life I will be grieving and healing. Embracing my freedom in Christ and healing on my journey home. I will be fully healed when I see His face.
The lies of satan will stay until they are smashed underneath the weight of truth. His truth.
2 Kings 20:5 He heals me.
1 Chronicles 28:8 I will pass on an inheritance.
Job 23:10 He knows the way I take.
Psalm 16:11 He gives me eternal pleasures at His right hand.
Psalm 21:6 He makes me glad with the joy of His presence.
Psalm 27:4 I will gaze upon the beauty of the Lord forever.
Psalm 27:10 He will never forsake me.
Psalm 34:18 He is near me.
Psalm 45:11 He is enthralled by my beauty.
Psalm 91:14 He rescues me.
Psalm 103:4 He crowns me with love and compassion.
Psalm 139:14 I am wonderfully made.
Proverbs 12:25 He cheers my heart.
Proverbs 15:4 I speak words of life to others.
Song of Songs 7:10 I belong to Him.
Isaiah 41:18 He makes my wilderness like Eden.
Isaiah 53:4 He bears my pain.
Isaiah 61:3 He gives me a crown of beauty instead of ashes.
Isaiah 61:10 He wraps me in a robe of righteousness.
Satan has tried to destroy me, through an abusive childhood, an abusive relationship and abortion. God did not allow that. He loves me too much. He has rescued me time and time again. From my sin and the sins of others. He will finish the work in me that He has started!! See what the Lord has done!!
From violent men you rescued me. 2 Samuel 22:49
He brought me out into a spacious place.
He rescued me because He delighted in me. Psalm 18:19

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love you Carla! Mom

Carla said...

I love you, Mom!

Carla said...

I am so grateful to God that I am no longer there. I am here and here is a beautiful place to be.

Reegz said...

He is altogether lovely! He has made you beautiful Carla. ;)

kristi noser said...

Praise be to our great God and Father.

zcoffeegirl said...

Just caught up on the latest real posts. I feel like sobbing...for your pain, for your healing..all of it. My next thought is - you are so brave. Thank you for being real - God is using your pain and your new freedom for Him. Love you, Carla girl.

Carla said...

Thank you for reading. :)

Oh how He loves us......