Thursday, April 21, 2011

Being Real 4

Don was working a long shift one day and I was watching tv. I had all of the paperwork ready to go for my nanny job. I was done student teaching and ready to graduate and I was thinking. My mind wandered to my present circumstances. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand him. I couldn't bear to be with him another minute and pretend that we were in love and all was well. In my mind I pictured what a future with Don might look like. Him coming home from work demanding a beer and smacking me around because supper wasn't ready. I pictured two little ones on the floor and how he would most likely abuse them as well. I heard an audible voice say to me, "You don't deserve this." I turned off the tv. I stood up and started packing. I knew Don wouldn't be home until later that night and I would already be gone. I had packed quite a bit when I heard him walk through the door. He was so excited to see me. That quickly changed after he asked what I was doing and I told him I was moving out.(My folks said I could move back in)I knew this was not going to go well. I didn't care because I WAS DONE! He flew into a total rage and began to break my stuff and throw it around the trailer. I continued to grab what I could as things shattered and splintered around me. Not sure why I thought my crap was so valuable that I needed it. Should have run to my car. Didn't. He kicked chairs and slammed doors and yelled at the top of his lungs. He pushed me into walls and pulled my hair and spit in my face. He noticed I left his pile of cards and love notes on the floor. I had no use for them.(I should have saved them for a Donfire)He pushed me down and got on top of me and yelled, "I'm going to rape you and get you pregnant and you will never be rid of me!" I froze. I looked into the eyes of evil and pretended I wasn't there. He undid his pants and yelled, "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!" I lay there waiting for it to happen. I was strangely calm. He could never rape my soul. He could never rape me into loving him again. He could never rape my resolve. If he didn't kill me I WAS LEAVING! He got off. He pushed me and spit in my face. I got up and ran out of the trailer and drove home.

2 comments:

Pat Stream said...

Always difficult to hear this story and imagine you in the fight for your life. But I know you are telling it for a reason. I love you Babe and pray for strength, protection, and the Spirit to move!!

Carla said...

I know it's difficult. All is well.

I love you too.