I received a call from my younger sister a month later. She was the family spokesperson and wanted to know if I would consider counseling with everyone. A little late in the game but I was open to going. Not by myself of course. I told her my husband Patrick would be there. WHAT??!! She flipped out. And told me she would call me back and ask my parents and older sister if that was ok with them. It wasn’t. So then I told her my pastor would be there. She hung up and called the rest of the family to see if that might be ok. I called Pastor Tim. She called me back to say that my pastor was welcome to come. I asked WHY would we all be going to counseling??? She said, "So we can sit in a room with the door closed and a therapist there so we can tell you what we think of you." I said, "I already know what you think of me." I changed my mind and said no thank you to counseling. She said, "I'll see you at your grave." I said, "Good. Then you can meet my pastor." She hung up.
I went to secular counseling over the years. Behavior modification. I bought countless books on self talk and positive imaging and codependency and boundaries and "finding myself" and "loving myself" The sinful patterns of behavior were never fully broken. I became discouraged as I never really seemed to change. And if I did it was temporary.
My husband and I started the FCC Biblical Counseling ministry in 2013. He was hired as the Pastor of Biblical Counseling in 2020. Patrick and I counsel couples who are introduced to allowing God to change them from the inside out. At the heart level. We are never surprised or horrified at what others have been through! We haven’t gone through all of our suffering or trials for nothing either!
I have counseled women before abortion or after if they went through with it. I counsel women with the trauma of their pasts. He heals His daughters. He rescues, redeems and restores!!
Right now. Today. I thank Him for my Mom and Dad and my sisters. They were the family God intended for me to have. God knew how my family would treat me and that in my emptiness I would find my way to Him. He knew what it would take. When I asked my mom for help during puberty and she turned from me-HE WAS THERE! He was standing there. He held me when she didn’t. He never left me through the pain and the loneliness and the rejection.
People over the years have told me I am not honoring my parents by not seeing them. That I should just call them. I have called and called and called. I sent letters and photos and they were returned to sender. I can take a hint. I got the message. Loud and clear.
I honor my parents by raising children who love the Lord. I honor them by praying for them. And for my sisters. For my nieces and nephew. On their birthdays and on their anniversaries. On my birthday I pray for my mom. No mother forgets a child she has given birth to. As one wise woman told me, "God has never asked us to honor that which is not honorable." Abuse isn't honorable. I did nothing to warrant their treatment of me as a child. My parents COULD ONLY GIVE ME WHAT THEY HAD!! I do believe my mother might have been sexually abused, my father was the son of an alcoholic and lived the pain of his parents divorcing, my sisters had problems and issues that had nothing to do with me. I love them as people made in the image of God and pray for peace in their lives. I pray that they are surrounded by those who love and follow the Lord and that they ultimately come to know Jesus.
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6 comments:
I heart your heart my friend.
Cry, cry, hug, hug. Thank you for shining Christ Carla. You have made Him beautiful to me.
I heart yours, Kristi.
Reegz,
He is beautiful. So are you.
God be praised.
Glory to God on high. He is faithful to heal the wounds, and help us. He is THERE.
Great show of boundaries .... I heart this ... :) God's peace to you.
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