Tuesday, February 03, 2009

To The Cat

Dear Griffen,
I understand that you no longer feel any affection for me. I know. I have been busy. In case you haven't noticed the family has grown and I have delegated much of your care to shorter people. I ignore your needs because I can't have one more living thing sucking the life outta me.(I don't need another needy thing needing me.) You will be 10 years old soon and maybe I should forgive you for not staying my sweet kitty. We can work this out. I know we can. Please stop hissing at me every time I walk by.
I tolerate you,
Mom

15 comments:

Pat Stream said...

He tells me you have a stray foot that tends to boot his backside whenever he walks past you. He says it happens before he hisses at you. He also says he holds himself back from showing his teeth.

Carla said...

Hey Cat Whisperer,
He is lying.

Keithslady said...

You hit the nail on the head, "I can't have one more living thing sucking the life outta me." People ask if we have pets. I answer, "Yes, several, all with two legs and runny noses."

Karla with a K said...

LOL - "I tolerate you" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kristi noser said...

I don't even tolerate him, sorry Pat.

Sandra said...

Not all dogs are sweet and lovable, but I don't think I've ever been around a dog that could be as cantankerous as a cat can be. They can sometimes turn into real curmudgeons when they get old, channeling Andy Rooney.

Carla said...

Then Griff and I should be getting along famously as we age.
Cantankerous.
Curmudgeon.
Excellent words, Sandra.

The Raving Atheist said...

You're misinterpreting Griffen. When a cat hisses, he's saying "reach down and tickle my belly." Try it!

Carla said...

We interrupt this playful banter to reiterate that The Raving Atheist is now and forever shall be The Raving Theist.

Carry on.

The Raving Theist said...

No, the Raving Atheist is my evil twin. Just look at the advice he gave you. Everyone knows that cat-hissing really means "Let's rub noses."

Carla said...

Make up your mind. Sheesh.

Pat Stream said...

TRT understands Griffen. I'm not the only one.

Carla said...

Ok TRT.
Spill.
Names and ages of all of your felines.

The Raving Theist said...

I resent the implication that I am a tool of the cat lobby. Perhaps I have a cat or two or sixteen, perhaps not. Whatever the case, it would not affect my view of the human race, even obvious mouse and dog sympathizers like you.

As Pat could tell you, the best way to stop Griffen's hissing would be to wait until bedtime and pour a tuna-juice/catnip mixture over the end of the sheet where your feet are. They like those things individually but hate them in combination. The next time he sees your feet walk by he will remember and slink away in silence.

Just make sure the sheet is very thin.

Carla said...

Let me think on it. TRT's cat remedy or hissing......hhhmmmm.