Dear Mom and Dad,
I get it now. I understand why you checked out when my sisters and I were young. You both drank and partied. You traveled and turned to food and friends instead of nurturing your 3 girls. Your behavior can be explained but not justified. The energy, creativity, wisdom and patience it takes to be a parent overwhelms me at times. I sometimes long to drink too or take a drive in my van. A drive to nowhere that puts miles and miles between myself and my children. I sometimes long to check out too. It is in those moments that I cannot bring myself to do what you did. This Mommy can have a timeout, a nap or maybe a walk around the block to recharge. I NEVER want my children to feel what I have felt. Heartbreaking rejection and conditional love. I risk losing everything. Like you did. Your grandchildren know what it's like to have their Mom hold their little faces in her hands and say that I'm sorry, I was wrong and please forgive me. On a daily basis I humble myself to say to them that I am going to screw up A LOT but, they have me. They have my heart.
I am not blaming you. I am seeking to understand you both. You could not give to me what I needed because you didn't have it to give. One can only give what one possesses.
I am trying to raise children for the glory of God. That honors you as grandparents. I am pressing on to leave a legacy. A legacy of love for the generations of Streams to come.
Even though I haven't seen you in 5 1/2 years, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Be well,
Carla
13 comments:
You are doing such wonderful job with your babies, Carla. It's okay to need alone time to recharge. I'm proud of you for starting a new "cycle" that can't be easy. I do feel sorry for your parents, they are missing out on some really special children.
Keep it up Carla, keep plugging and being honest. Your honesty is refreshing. I too, feel sorry for your parents, not only are they missing out on some sweet children, but an awesome daughter as well.
Proud of you girl.
Thanks for your honesty, Carla. You are a terrific mom and friend.
I look up to you more than you know, lady.
Unconditional love is where it's at!
Praise God for changing your heart 11 years ago. It will change lives for generations to come.
There is a verse in the Bible to this effect, but for the life of me I can't find it. Can anyone help?
"Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6
Not exactly the verse I was looking for, but true nonetheless.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the Truth. 3John 1:4
I hear ya!
It's up to each generation to improve for the next. My parents were better than their parents, and I do believe I am better than mine were.
My son is now nearly three years old. I have had my moments too, where I've said to myself "Oh THIS is why my parents' spanked... because they ran out of options!" in those moments when I just don't know what else to do. And it is in those moments that we define ourselves as a parent, by exercising our choices.
I have a mental checklist in my head of the choices I allow myself to make in disciplining my son. I have even printed a copy for my purse for any moments I'm too frazzled to be able to think of the list (which I created after one incident in the store and have not yet had to use).
Yes, he's only just turning three, but at this stage my son is charming, wonderful, attentive, considerate...all the things I want and expect him to be at this age. And I feel good about my choices as a mother.
I was lucky. Although my parents spanked, hit, kicked us...they always did truly care about us and love us. Today we have a good relationship and they are also happy with my mothering style. We are so blessed!
So, keep it up Carla. You're not alone in these here trenches.
Sometimes having bad examples is the best way to be a great parent.
At least once a week, if only for a second, I get the urge to run away and reclaim what is left of my 'young life' - but that feeling is quickly scared away by the love I feel for the kids. They've already been dumped by one parent, I could never let them feel that again.
Thank you so much for the sweet and sincere thoughts and comments. I am loved.
Butrfly-I understand what you mean. I usually ask myself if my mother would do something, if the answer is no then I do it. If on the other hand the answer is yes, I try not to do it. Parenting the opposite of the way you were parented. Crazy.
i too come from dysfunction, and every day is a choice to leave a legacy of Faith, Love, Christ. the path you had to walk made you who you are today! the character of Christ is developed in the trenches!
Oh Carla. No words.
You're amazing.
Canna Getta AMEN!
You're amazing.
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