Warning-this post will be completely unfunny. Thought it might be ok by now to share a more personal side of my life.
May is an anniversary of sorts. I haven't seen my parents or 2 sisters in 4 years. I won't be blogging on and on about how my family "ruined my life" or whining about the "cards I was dealt". They were emotionally abusive. There was guilt, control, shame, rage, indifference, and manipulation. The silent treatment was the weapon of choice. It was painful for a sensitive little girl named Carla. Throughout highschool and college I looked for love in all the wrong places.(You could say I was building myself a TESTUHMONAY!)4 years ago I knew I was still trying to win their love and affection. I gave the best of myself to those who did not care to know me. There was no big fight at the end..nothing that dramatic. I stopped pursuing a relationship with them and I knew they would not pursue me. It was the culmination of a lifetime of rejection. I am very thankful for the parents and siblings that I had. They were perfect for me. They drove me to the feet of The One, the only One who can heal.
3 comments:
I love what you said at the end; I've never thought of it that way. Maybe I'll start being more thankful for the family I was given--they drove me to Him, too.
After school's done I want to have you and the 4 over, k?
Meet me at Williams tomorrow. I can't wait until schools out!!
May has certain anniversary implications as well for me certainly brings to mind a rejection of the worst heart ache(for me at least) which had me on my face at His feet too. As hard and painful as those "bringing me to the end" moments were, aren't you so thankful for the re-building He did through it all? "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials" Praise God for the situations He uses to bring us to His grace. I'm always in awe of how personal each testimony can be and how it could only be of the Lord.
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