What I Will Say Next Time

"Is this thing on? Hello, Shopko shoppers and associates. My name is Carla. I am a mom. Right now there is something brewing in the toy section of this store. No, not a blue light special. Wrong store for that. More like a ticking time bomb. My youngest is now holding as many toys as he can. Yes. That's him. He looks like a pint-sized Santa Claus. I am watching him from afar. I have business here. I asked a sales associate to exchange a pair of shoes for me at the service desk. She'll be right back. When she is, I will be walking back to toys and telling my son NO. N-O. No toys today. It is certainly not because you haven't been retail savvy either. I love the end caps and signage. Yes, you are a diligent crew and I adore your fully stocked shelves. I will be saying no because my youngest assumes he gets a toy everytime he wanders the earth. Not today son. I am asking for your cooperation and assistance. When I say the word NO there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth and flopping on the floor like a fish coming from a 3 year old body. I will be physically lifting him off of the floor and carrying him, my purse and my shoe box out the door. You will hear us as we make our way. The screaming will be ear piercing, the struggle will become unmanageable and I will have to set my Tims down and take a breather. It will sound as if he is being tortured. I would appreciate averted eyes and pasted grins and nervous straightening. I do not need assistance. I need to leave. My goal is the exit. Call security or the police or Child Protection, if you feel you must. I am carrying his enraged little life out to our van. I will attempt to buckle him into his carseat and drive home. All in a day's work for me. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Shopko."