Although the case was closed there are some lingering side effects. When and if I ever apply for a teaching job I might be asked if I have ever been investigated by CPS. I must say yes and whip out the letter. uggghhhhh I have prayed for my own heart. I have worked through my feelings. The fear(maybe terror)that all of this caused. I have journaled and talked through it all. Evert heart pounding, hands shaking, trying to breathe moment. My husband and I have discussed the emotions that my writing has stirred up in us. I have praised Him again and again for sustaining us through our friends! It was an "in the valley" experience and now I know. I know what it's like to be on the other side of Social Services. As a teacher I was a mandated reporter. I had to call CPS quite a few times as I taught my beloved students. There were bruises!! They never did anything. The irony of that is not lost on me.
One of the reasons I wrote this is because I used to read a lot of momblogs. I overhear young moms talking. I have noticed a lot of people have this advice for someone, "Oh, I would call CPS on this or that." I get a sick feeling whenever I read or hear that. Yes, it is warranted when a child is in danger and their basic needs are not met. Unfortunately, it is not against the law to swear at or yell at a child.
I am tossing this out-what if we all tried to reach out and get to know each other a little better? What if we showed someone else we care about what happens to them and their children? Invited them in, invited them over? What if someone had come to me with their concerns about my Timbug?? What if a hard conversation was had over coffee? What if the truth in love had been spoken to me? Could this nightmare have been avoided? I believe so.
We prayed that our family would be protected, that we would be found innocent, that the allegations would be found baseless and the truth would be proclaimed. God heard and answered every.single.prayer. He always does. Amen and Amen.
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life, from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:20
Deep, cleansing breath. So, good then. Done. Writing is so very cathartic isn’t it?
Your homework-
1. Use “unsubstantiated” in a sentence today.
2. Remember that for every 2 ounces of water you add 1 scoop of formula.
19 comments:
You are really an exceptional writer.
Because of the wars I was in, I have issues with the Muslims and the Arab peoples that I have to approach the same way; people want me to see them their way and yet I know that it is so much more complicated than they know.
Swampy
Carla, you make a great point and thought to ponder--that instead of immediately turning over any possible concern to government services to handle, why don't we try being the Church, the body of Christ, and first reach out to hurting folks...at least start there...hmmm. :)
I will use unsubstantiated tonight at dinner.
I'm glad that everything worked out well, and who knows what God's plan in all of it was? I'm proud to read that even though it would be easy to try to vindicate yourself with who you think turned you in (which is the reaction we ALL had), you've decided to forgive. Swampy's right--you are an exceptional writer and an even stronger witness to God's glory.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
It is unsubstantiated that I am an exceptional writer, but thank you!
I don't know where you learned to be so patient. I pray for patience and I'm still a short-tempered woman! God bless you for being so strong.
That awful woman will get hers soon enough. What goes around, does indeed come around!
We need more teachers like you in the school system. Patience is a value that is so hard to come by in a person.
I agree that this woman should have gotten to know you to ascertain if her claims were true.
But I don't think she's an awful person. She cared enough about your little guy to step forward when she thought it was right. She turned the matter over to the appropriate agency and let them make the determination. She hasn't hounded you since then, has she?
Too many people don't step in when they see something concerning. The news is replete with the faces and stories of little ones who have died from people's fear to ask and act.
So while I understand any feelings of anger and fear...I'm sort of glad people like that woman still exist.
Say a little prayer today for people who care. And pray that they might take the first step you mentioned, reaching out in a compassionate and honest way, and getting to know the person first.
Pat - well said.
I should clarify I was really responding to the commenter who said "That awful woman will get hers soon enough. What goes around, does indeed come around!"
And I agreed with Carla on several levels. First, that people should get to know each other and help each other in a genuine way. And second, that she has been kind to this woman and I think that's also the right thing.
I have some inkling of what you are feeling. My parents were also reported at one time...by my own grandmother. They were struggling to make ends meet. My mother was working an 11-7 shift and my father 7-4. Because of that gap when they needed to be traveling (both were 5 mins commutes) they would leave my sister and I alone, asleep in bed for the 5 minute gap. We were about 6 and 7 at the time. My grandmother (who also lived nearby!) reported them. Rather than offering to help, she went straight to DHS. My parents quickly rectified the situation, with my grandmother still refusing to help watch my sister and I during that 5 minute gap to help them out.
My parents are wonderful and were caught up in a situation similar to yours because someone reported first and refused to help.
Anyway, I'm glad itall worked out for you as you obviously love your kids very much.
I like what Pat said. I did not read your posts thinking you were saying the "reporter" was awful. I completely understood you to be saying how awful the experience was and the results that came of the whole situation. I too thank you for sharing this horrible ordeal you both went through. I'm so thankful it went as quickly as it did and that the case is CLOSED. :)
Anon-I am truly sorry for what your family went through. A grandmother turning in her own family?! I am shaking my head.
When the innocent are wrongly accused there is righteous anger.
A new definition of "care" is in order.
Thanks Carla. Obviously my parents understood her concerns, just not why she hadn't told my parents about these issues first. I agree it is a problem to leave kids that age alone...but my grandmother certainly could have offered to help my parents before turning them in!
I love your blog! Thanks for sharing. So many times it lifts up my day.
Hi again anon-if you email me then you won't be anonymous anymore. :)
And this is why I'm keeping an eye on my neighbors... for now.
Thank you, Shauna.
Carla,
I was missing your posts since you are now at Rachel's Vineyard, so I went to your vintage posts. I am so sorry this whole ordeal happened to you. We, to have been reported and then unsubstantiated. It is humiliating and such a shock. I was turned in by a foster sister, who should have been turned in herself, she was on heavy meds and was often passed out on the couch while her 4 and 6 yr olds tore up the house and raided the fridge.
It was months before our name was "cleared." It is so sad that when something like this happens you are always and forever "eyed" with suspicion.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency to "work thorugh " this difficult situation here on your blog. I know that it has helped many of your readers, me included.
Not So Playful Banter:
This is a horrifying tale. I am so glad it is over. It is hard to live out "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." I am struggling with this myself on a very different matter.
Also, our son goes to a Christian school and the first page of the information packet starts with "The Matthew 18 Principle." If I should ever go to the principal about an issue, he will first ask, "Did you talk to the teacher (or whoever) about it?" And so BIBLICALLY, that woman should have spoken with you further...at the very least. Some people need to feel important or strong or significant by doing things like this. I had a mom very self-righteously point out that my son was playing in a "no playing" zone. I playfully bantered back, but she then spewed that I was a terrible lazy mother! Even though I knew she was incorrect, it infuriated me!
Anyway...it's a fallen world. That darned serpent.
Grace, aka blackbelt_oma
Wow. I can't help but be grateful no one ever called CPS on us; our kids were both toothpicks as babies; they did not have a roll between</i them! You never said what percentile he was in; did YOU think he was skinny? Sorry you had to go through this...you must have been sick to your stomach all day long! Thank God you had your faith.
Unfortunately, I have to call CPS a few times a year (maybe that woman was a Mandated Reporter??). When kids say things that sound flippant to me, I always remind them that I am a Mandated Reporter and by law must report "abuse" that they disclose. Just this week, I had a kid claiming there was no food in his house (he's been coming with no lunch for weeks and sponging off of other kids.) When I reminded him of my MR status, he admitted that there is food (lunch meat, etc.) but he is "too lazy" to make a lunch and is late every morning because he doesn't get out of bed when told. This is a perfect example of how CPS could get involved (wasting valuable time, possibly catching REAL abusers) when there is really no case.
The whole CPS system is so backward. Being in WI you may have heard that recent case of the baby boy who was killed while in foster care...yet I've heard more than a handful of stories like yours where the claims where completely false and the family was harassed.
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