I have 3 "friends" that have had abortions. Let me clarify the word friend. Two of them I haven't seen for years and one no longer talks to me. They are in denial, only they don't know it. They said things to me like, "it has just never bothered me the way it has bothered you." or "it doesn't affect me anymore." or "it was a tough decision but a good one for me." I have some questions for you. Why do you drink like a fish? Why do you smoke like a chimney? Why do you swear like a sailor? Why do you under or over eat? Why the medication for depression? Where is the peace? If your decision was so right, shouldn't you be at peace with it? Why are you so angry? You are running girls. Running. The only way to healing is through the pain.
I have had amazing resources to face into the pain. Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane is a book that I couldn't have done it without. I'll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford is another one. I have spoken at our church and I have led a bible study. I have talked on the phone for 3 hours to a girl who eventually did have one. I submitted my experience as a sworn affidavit in a court case.
The rest of my story remains to be written. My children will someday ask me what an abortion is. They will get an earfull. Ya think? I will be speaking at the state capitol in January, holding my sign that says I Regret My Abortion. Someday I want to stand outside Meadowbrook with only love written on my face or volunteer at a pregnancy center. The truth will penetrate all of the lies. I have no doubt.
I never even typed what I thought about the father of my child. He doesn't know I was pregnant or that I aborted his child. I denied him fatherhood. I grieve for him as well.
Husbands have taken their wives, boyfriends have taken their girlfriends to get abortions and they are hurting too. There are millions of hurting men and women. Millions of dead babies.
Abortion hurts us all.
And just what would my 16 year old child be like today???
Letter to my daughter
UPDATE There are 5 babies that I know of that are alive today because I have told my abortion story. One was born on my birthday. I speak the truth of my story at Marches for Life and rallies and prolife banquets. I tell others that abortion brought death to my daughter and destruction to my life. Until He came. I get to lead other women to the healing and forgiveness in Christ that I have found!! Last year-2018 I was awarded the Champions for Life award from Options for Women. Presented to me by the roommate who drove me to my abortion! Who now is the Director of the Lakes Life Care Center. Saving babies and their mommies from abortion every single day. I stand on the sidewalk outside of the nation's 3rd largest abortion mill. I get to offer to women what I wanted for myself 29 years ago. Help and hope and support. I started the FCC Prolife Coalition to help others became educated and engaged. Thank you Lord for ALL that You have done to rescue and redeem and restore!!
All of what I do is here http://outcrywisconsin.blogspot.com
17 comments:
That was bold Carla. Thank you for that. God has done a work in you through it. I praise Him for how He has and still brings you through it. I heard your testimony and will never forget it. Amazing.
Thank you for sharing that Carla. You are a strong woman to take such a stand and spread your beliefs like you are.
We see things like this in a very different way as we now are older. If only we could go back and change the mistakes that we made.
You are making a difference in the world. Even if you change one girl's mind - you are making a difference!
Carla, your heart for others is an inspiration. Lene is right--you are making a difference.
Lene, great comment. I can't wait til you are back in the states and we can all have a bloggirl-meet-day.
"Someday I want to stand outside Meadowbrook with only love written on my face or volunteer at a pregnancy center."
I'll go with you.
That's an incredible account. Even with this hurt you can turn it around for His blessing. My heart hurts for you, and I can't help but think of the women like you were then. If only there was more support for women and young girls. Thank you for sharing.
I am in awe! You are amazing! Thank you for sharing, it may help someone in similar circumstances think twice!!
A very close friend had one in high school. We are still close. Would you say the same thing to your 14 year old daughter whose pregnant? That it's a good idea to have a child?
My friend is nearly 30 and has a good relationship and marriage. She is not running from her past, like your friends. But maybe you don't analyze it so much at 14 because well you are 14. It's so strange to think about being a parent at 14. I wonder if it doesn't start perpetual cycle of craziness. I doubt my friend would have gone to college and gotten married if she had gone through with the pregnancy. And I wonder how haunted she might have been by an adoption.
But 14, honestly what do you know? You have 4 kids, do you really think any of them are ready to be parents at 14? Would be ready?
Living almost large,
My children are being taught that sex is for marriage between a man and a woman. Abstinence until then.
If my children make a poor choice and someone gets pregnant I would hope and pray that we would put that baby up for adoption.
A 14 year old cannot parent. A 14 year old is a child.
Abortion is more haunting than adoption.
I cannot imagine what it must have been like to go through that. Your post puts a face to the issue of abortion and creates doubt; the kind of doubt that wasn't placed before you when you made your decision. Thank you for taking this risk. I have a sixteen-year-old son. I will give him an extra big hug today (for you :)
Carla,
I write from Spain, (sorry for my mistakes). I have read your testimony, I am impressed. God have given you 4 beautiful kids, 4 wonderful opportunities. Congratulations for fighting against abortion. This world has to change, so much pain, so many unborned babies,...
I am a mother of three wonderful kids and believe there must me other opportunities for those unborned babies like adoption.
I will pray for those girls who are in doubt of what to do, tehre must be another way out.
My best regards,
Beatriz
Well Carla...a brief note on Facebook and here I am - weeping for both your sorrow and your joy.
I don't know how to share all that is on my heart. You feel like a close friend and we've shared only one email contact.
As I read this I felt the healthy kind of pride - the kind that says this new friend is courageous, authentic, and forgiven.
You can't know this yet...but you (along with others who have shared their stories with me) confirmed almnost everything I wrote in Rain Dance. I had no idea...but words came and I put them on the pages and since then God has sent beautiful women like you to comfirm the story. Wow God. Wow Carla.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You are the face of the pro-life movement - you take it from a political issue to a personal one.
Please stay in touch. I'll be back. Your blog entries are wonderful.
Today I'm praising God for you!
Joy
I too went through the awful pain of abortion, lies, and repentance. When I went to have my abortion, I was told that this baby would ruin my life....I suddenly became pro-choice, going to work as a nurse at planned parenthood, advocating abortion and then the nightmares began, the waking up in the middle of the night hearing a baby that wasn't there, the 100 pound weight-gain. It is a nightmare that I wish I didn't have anymore....my baby would have been 26 years old now. I know God has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself......
That was very brave for you to open your heart to us all. You are a testament to the horror of abortion and also to the love and forgiveness of God. May God lead you in speaking to others and bless you for sharing.
Cynthia and Mamamoody,
Email me if you would like, I would love to get to know you both!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. God bless you!! Praying...
Hello, I admire your refreshing honesty. You're a lot braver than most for sure!
I am anti-abortion AND pro-choice. Let me explain: When I was raped I wished that I wasn't 'blessed' with pregnancy. An abusive relationship that I was in the midst of breaking off turned my ex into a desperate drunken rapist who thought that a child would 'save us'. And he ALMOST would have been right. ALMOST because 2 years earlier, I became pregnant and was ECSTATIC with happiness at the thought of having a baby - a family with this man, but his reaction pulled the rug from under me and was the beginning of a LONG and SLOW wake up call. He said that there was no way he could be a father; that I couldn’t care for this baby on my own (he was right) and that the best thing was to abort. I realized then that I could not have his baby without risking him making ‘our' life a living hell. I knew that then. But perhaps I was temporarily insane, maybe even clinically. Or maybe just dumb and suffering from ‘battered women’s syndrome’; I wasn’t a drinker or smoker or using drugs. I stayed with that moron for 3 more YEARS. When I had the nerve (and the means) to leave, things went to pieces.
The first abortion was a terrible sadness for me, I was tormented the days before that decision, depressed and confused. During all of that, I prayed and begged for forgiveness and guidance and I swore that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER go through that again. It was a regret I would breathe every day. And I meant that and he knew it. This man, this awful man, he knew that and he raped me to keep us together. He was SO sure that I would stay with him; that I couldn’t bring myself to abort. I aborted a second time – this time to rid my life of this man.
Today, I am happily married and content, but the irony is that we miscarried several times. The first was the worst - we were SO happy, that we told EVERYONE that we were expecting, and then we were heartbroken when the baby's heartbeat was so SLOW, that I just KNEW something was wrong. At my second checkup, there was no heartbeat – it’s called ‘spontaneous abortion’. It’s when, for whatever reason (God, Devil, nature – pick one, all or none), the baby cannot live.
THAT shattered me completely. I think part of me died then. How could God 'bless' me with a child, only to crush or tear him/her out of me?? HOW? Then it went from “HOW?” to “WHY?” It was punishment for my previous abortions – that’s what I started to think, that I was 'cursed'. I don’t think anyone really KNOWS God though, He’s too ‘mysterious’.
I cannot have any more babies, but, I don’t want any teenager/woman to be forced to carry a baby to term, to endure child birth and to have to give away that baby because she did not have a CHOICE. If she’d been raped, then she’s birthing the spawn of her rapist and said spawn will be a ‘blessing’ to someone like me. Really? A child who was born out of a rape is a ‘blessing’ from God? That’s just twisted. What does God ‘bless’ the teenager/woman with I wonder? Her purpose was to… be raped in the first place?? It doesn’t make sense to me.
I hope that my daughter never is in a situation where she has to consider ALL these choices: to abort or to birth and then give away or to raise a child. My job is to love her with all I have and to always be there for her regardless of what choices she makes.
Anyway, though I have much in common with you, I don’t share your view that abortion is bad. It’s horrible, yet it’s necessary.
A couple of thoughts anon
Pregnancy due to rape is extremely rare.
Rape is never the fault of the child. The rapist should be punished not the baby.
The violence of abortion parallels the violence of rape.
Abortion does not bring healing to the rape survivor.
A child is a child is a child regardless of the circumstances of his conception.
What about already born people who were conceived in rape?
The child conceived in rape is the MOTHER'S baby. Her child can bring much blessing out of the horror of a rape.
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