The Streams headed off to worship today. I was feeling completely unlovely. On the inside and the outside. I know Jesus can help me with the inside, but the outside is up to me.(Wait. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.)
I envisioned that there were 2 officers at the entrance to church. They were the Squishy Police. They gave everyone a good looking over but they wouldn't let me through. I was pulled aside by Officer Bob. "Uh, maam could I please speak to you for a moment?" I nervously said,"Ok, officer." He said, "I see that you are a little overweight and out of shape. You must be about 10-12 pounds from where you should be. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" I stuttered, "Well, yes sir, I did have a baby." "Oh? Just when was this alleged baby born, maam?" "Officer Bob, I had Timothy 15 months ago." "Well now, that seems to me a reasonable amount of time to get your figure back.(He and Officer Stan share a laugh at my expense-HehHehHeh)I am going to have to write you a ticket." "What?! Please Officer Bob, I mean no disrespect but I chose this outfit specifically for worship today. Do you see how the pants aren't too tight in the bum? I know that at my waistband there is fleshly overhang, but that's why I picked this cute little jacket as well, to cover the offending flesh." "Yes maam, aqua is definitely your color but, rules are rules. Here is your ticket."
I hang my head in shame and walk into church. The neon green ticket hangs around my neck with a big, black arrow pointing to my afterbabybelly.
Can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow. Maybe if I put as much energy into my workouts as I do into my fantasy life I could have a body that passes inspection.